At least I can be honest here. It also sucks to be 50 and unemployed. To only have an Associates degree. I could just keep going on and on. I live in one of the highest areas for unemployment. Good ole Oswego County likes to hover at around 10%. I won't even mention the New York State statistics.
What really sucks is lack of motivation. I'm not motivated. I'm so depressed that I can't see my way out of the woods right now. No wonder people commit suicide during the holidays. I'm surprised there isn't a mass die off of people this time of year, especially if they've been let go from their jobs.
It's the most demoralizing feeling in the world. I don't feel like picking myself back up and trying to sell myself. I don't feel like doing anything lately. If I could I would leave. I have no idea where I would go or how I would get there. But I would just leave.
But that's not possible is it?
And what's funny? Really hilarious? I was just barely making ends meet. Just barely. But I felt good, like I was going to be ok. And I hadn't felt like that in such a long time. And just before I was laid off from my job a person asked me if I wished my second job (the only one I have now) was my full time one. They wanted to know if I liked it better. My answer was that I considered it just that, a second job, and that the job I lost was my "meat and potatoes" job. It was where my benefits were. Where I had worked for twelve years. Where I had the most experience and knowledge. It was my career. It was where I was most comfortable and where I felt I actually made a difference in people's lives.
But I guess I was too comfortable and I spoke too soon because fate certainly didn't agree with me and fate doesn't give a rat's ass about my age, lack of college education or motivation.
And that sucks.
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