Tonight

No one person should be as angry as I seem to be.  I can't seem to escape it.  Anger at myself.  Anger at the world.  Anger at life.  At times it consumes me.

Don't talk to me.  Don't look at me.  Don't engage me. I don't want you're attention. I don't want to interact with you.  Later I'll only ask myself why I'm always alone, why no one ever talks to me.  Fool.  I exude anger.  It must flame around me.  It must be like a vapor around me ready to ignite.

There is nothing that can make it better, it is of my own doing.  My own making.  My own fault.  I dug the hole.  Who the hell knew that it would be such a pit and that I would never be able to climb back out.  Who knew that I would tear my finger nails down to nothing but bloody damn stubs...chewing the skin around the edges until there was nothing left to chew.  Who knew.  Who knew. 

One person should never be allowed to feel this much anger in a life time.  There are times that I want to smash the damn motorcycle next door....talk the noise it makes and cram it down the throats of the people that own it.  At the same time I can't seem to play my own music loud enough.

Turn it up.

Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I've seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
Promise I'm worthy,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

I know it ain't easy.  I promise I'm worthy.  I swear I'm worthy.  I keep telling myself that over and over again.  I am worthy...but it ain't easy to love myself and I'm so damn angry.